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Trump prays for Schwarzenegger at religious event

At today’s National Prayer Breakfast (yes, that’s a thing in America), President Donald J. Trump offered up a sarcastic prayer for Arnold Schwarzenegger’s TV career. And it wasn’t pretty.

The Prayer Breakfast, an annual event which could only plausibly exist in the United States or certain Middle Eastern theocracies, has traditionally had a speech given by the President and a special guest.

The speeches — wherein the likes of like Bill Clinton, George Bush, Ronald Reagan, Tony Blair, and Bono portray themselves as god-fearing believers rather than soulless machiavellian nihilists — are considered to be important political outreach to America’s powerful Evangelical voting bloc.

And this was Trump’s first one. So how convincing was he while pretending to be religious? Not very:

Instead of praying for world peace or and end to hunger or any other palatable platitude, Trump instead chose to ask the most powerful being in the universe to intervene on behalf of his rival Arnold Schwarzenegger, because Trump feels his ratings on The Apprentice could be better.

This is exactly the kind of thing that would have made a good Trump joke back in the Summer of 2016, in those innocent days when the prospect of his eventual victory seemed more like a joke than the terrible dystopian nightmare it is fast becoming.

But now the joke is real, and honestly it’s still kind of funny. The most powerful man in the world has seen fit to publicly ask God himself to intervene in our fallen world, that he might give the guy from Junior and Kindergarten Cop a bump in the ratings.

With characteristic charisma, the former Governor, who would easily have mopped the floor with Trump in the last election if not for that pesky rule about foreign-born citizens not being President, responded with his own video.

Nice one Arnold. I think we all agree with you.

Amen. And get to the chopper.