Attention metal bands, the new artist to worship and hire for all your album covers is Bette Burgoyne. That is all.

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I had heard tell of Kuma’s Corner in Chicago, a restaurant that serves burgers named after metal bands, for a long time now, and I finally made it there a few days ago. The place was packed as expected for a Saturday afternoon, but we managed to sit at the bar. I found myself wanting to choose burgers based on whether or not I liked the band they were named after rather than what was actually on the burgers, but I had to tell myself that was a bad idea.

I wound up skipping the Slayer, which is a half-pound burger with andouille sausage, chili, cherry peppers, onions, jack cheese, and a fist-full of fries, which would most likely have annihilated my gastrointestinal tract. Instead, I had the much more manageable Yob, which had smoked gouda, bacon, roasted red peppers, and garlic mayo. It was seriously one of the better burgers I’ve had in my life. One of my eating companions ordered a Neurosis (cheddar, swiss, sauteed mushrooms, onions, and horseradish mayo), while another ordered a Goblin Cock (bacon, cheddar, vienna hot dog, tomatoes, onion, green relish, sport peppers, pickles, and celery mustard), which looked dangerous.

Despite their over-the-top rockisms (ridiculously monstrous rigs, smoke machines, and high-wattage light show), Jucifer backs the bombast up with some colon-bursting heaviness. The duo from Athens, Gergia, take 90s-era grrl rawk and combines it with slow, plodding, sludge metal like High on Fire on Vicodin.