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People want to replace Confederate monuments with Missy Elliott statues

Americans are upset about statues of Robert E. Lee, who is best-known for riding horses and losing wars. Their solution? Missy ‘Misdemeanor’ Elliott.

With all the controversy, it’s easy to lose sight of another scandalous statue-related fact: the US has an embarrassing shortage of public monuments to national treasure Missy Elliott, who has never lost a war, and is rarely seen on horseback.

Thankfully, someone came up with a brilliant idea to resolve both of these issues, once and for all – by tearing down Robert E. Lee statues and replacing them with statues of the Grammy award-winning rapper.

There’s actually a petition to make this happen in Elliott’s hometown of Portsmouth, Virginia, which is just two hours’ drive from Charlottesville. It stated: “Together we can put white supremacy down, flip it and reverse it. Ycamerpus Etihw!”

Maybe white supremacist militias would take issue with this move. But then again, might not those same white supremacist militias find it hard to resist playful rhymes over infectious, Timbaland-produced beats?

Actually, who cares what they think, because stuff those guys. Missy Elliott is a living, breathing refutation of white supremacy if ever there was one. And Get Ur Freak On is still catchy and original as hell after all these years.

Another important point: if Robert E. Lee were to record a hip hop album, it would almost certainly be terrible. But if Missy Elliott could command an army while riding around on horseback, that army would definitely win. I think that should pretty much settle this debate.

Also: Missy Elliott, if you’re reading this, can you please get back in the studio and drop a new album? It’s been way too long!

Via AV Club

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