Exhale

KFC wrote a cringe-worthy romance novel for Mother’s Day

Not exactly a shoo-in into Oprah’s Book Club….or is it?

What better way to celebrate Mother’s Day than with everybody’s favorite secret fried chicken recipe with 11 herbs and spices? We’re talking about world-famous Kentucky Fried Chicken, of course, and we’re ready to get our greasy fingers flipping through pages of their very own pocketbook they wrote for mom’s special day.

With the help of ad agency Wieden + Kennedy Portland and Catherine Kovach, a New Jersey-based writer, KFC created a story that’s best described by this short description: “Lady Madeline Parker flees the pending oppression of a loveless marriage, taking a job in a seaside tavern under the cloak of anonymity. She soon meets Harland [Sanders], a bespectacled sailor with a mysterious past.”

Your move, George R.R. Martin.

“Mother’s Day is KFC’s best-selling day of the year,” the fast food giant revealed in a statement. “So this year, KFC is giving moms the ultimate gift with its first romance novella, Tender Wings of Desire, featuring Harland Sanders as the love interest.”

“Paired with a $20 Fill Up featuring KFC’s Extra Crispy Chicken, mothers can finally get what they want this year—a family meal they don’t have to cook, and some alone time with a captivating novella.”

Here’s a finger-licking preview for all you thirsty moms reading this:

Well that was… different.

Now, it’s nothing new for fast food chains to have fun with fake holidays – remember Burger King’s scary stunt last Halloween? But we think the Colonel and his brigade took it a little too far this time (that’s a good thing). Here’s another excerpt to get mom in the mood:

“They were so consumed that it took every ounce of their restraint not to give into the fire right then and there…The flames would continue to rage throughout the night until the fire was too much, and at last they could let it engulf them.”

That should explain why your two-piece is overcooked. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Tender Wings of Desire is available on Amazon.