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Ok, well, a guy in Fukuoka, Japan, just stabbed himself to avoid work

Did you stay home from work today? Let me guess: you used the old “I was stabbed, so I won’t be coming in today” excuse?

Who among us hasn’t tried it before? Your boss knows it’s fake. So why do people keep stabbing themselves and saying they were attacked, just so they can take the day off work?

I guess it’s only natural. You wake up, you don’t feel great, you feel a bit tired, and so you think to yourself: “You know what? I think I’m going to just go ahead and stab myself a little bit this morning, and then just say someone else did it. That way, I won’t have to go into work today.”

These thoughts, or something like them, actually ran through the head of a man in Fukuoka, Japan, who did exactly that to avoid going into the office the other day.

How bad must his office be? Do they make them pay 25 cents for a goddamn cup of coffee in the break room? Is the air conditioner broken? Or do they pipe in smooth jazz on the speakers, like it’s some kind of goddamn dentist’s office?

Whatever the reason, the unnamed man got his wish. He did not attend work that day.

Somewhat surprisingly, this isn’t the only such incident in the Japanese headlines of late. Just a few days earlier, a nearly identical incident was reported in Aichi Prefecture.

This raises the possibility that the whole thing in Fukuoka was just a copycat ripoff, like the time your friend told his boss he had to wait for a plumber, and then you did the same exact thing when you were hungover the next day.

I guess you shouldn’t have gone day drinking with your friend on his fake day off. Next time, just tell them you got stabbed instead. It’s the new gold standard of excuses.

And yes, that’s a picture of Toshiro Mifune. Just because he’s probably still the coolest, stabbiest guy from Japan in recent memory. RIP Yojimbo.

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