Stingrays and feet are natural enemies. Indeed, stingray-foot relations have been nothing but constant war for millennia. But we now have some reason to hope, thanks to Happy Feet, a slipper manufacturer.
You see, Happy Feet dared to dream of an age when human feet will find solace and warmth inside a pair of novelty slippers, rather than suffering intense throbbing pain while being punctured by poisoned barbs.
And stingrays, rather than bearing an undeserved reputation as malevolent dicks, will instead be known as plush inanimate objects, suitable for use as indoor footwear.
What I’m saying is they made slippers that look like stingrays.
War is over, if you want it.
You may say Happy Feet is a dreamer, but it’s not the only one. In fact, it turns out lots of people would love to see a rapprochement between our flat, stupid-looking meat slabs and their stingray adversaries.
Shoppers are snatching these up as fast as they can be stitched together by the tiny hands of underpaid children in far-off dictatorships (I mean, probably, right?).
But hey, what can you do about that? People talk about voting with their wallets, or voting with their feet.
But in this case, we know what your feet really want to vote for: plush, urolophidae-shaped sanctuaries, wherein they can find a brief moment of respite from the vale of tears that is this fallen world, and from the sisyphean misery that is every human foot’s lot in life.
So get yours today at Happy Feet and make your feet happy.