Hilarious captions for historical art: women listening to men

There’s nothing quite like adding satyrical commentary to old paintings. Seriously you have to try it. Mallory Ortberg, a writer for The Toast brings us a hilarious series of captions for paintings entitled Women Listening To Men.

In case it wasn’t clear, the title is rather ironic, as Ortberg’s humour unfailingly makes us chuckle. Her captions invariably portray the women in paintings as long-suffering or passive aggressive, putting up with the inadequacies of men with a ‘grin and bear it’ attitude. From languid nudes to high ladies, Ortberg has apparently delved through an extensive art history catalogue to bring us these comedy gems.

“what? Yes, i’m still listening. You were talking about that… i’m just resting my eyes.”
“mmm for sure, no i definitely agree you don’t have to keep arguing because i agree and you’re right, so we are on the same… we’re the same way, I agree.”
“No, REALLY!?! Go on…”
“I keep drinking, but it’s not making him more interesting.”
“What? Yes. I’m sorry I just really need to look at this matchbook right now… Sorrryyyy.”
Women: “Don’t make eye contact” Women 2: “Im not. Im not making eye contact” Women 1: “well you’re giving him some sort of encouragement” Women 2: “No Im not Im like lying down” Women 1: “Well lie down harder” Man: “Okay, this next one is called Elegy in Amber” Women 2: “Is he going to play all of them?”
Man: “Hey, hey wake up. Are you asleep or something? Are you sleeping?” Women: “mmm no i’m listening. Listening and awake and still listening.”
“Is he still behind us? Just keep skating!”
“hooray we’re kissing now that’s the thing that is happening now”
“oh no i wasn’t doing anything, I’m not busy just talking to all of my friends but I’m so glad we’re doing this now instead.”
“ahhhahahhaha that is so good that is so funny that is so funny and good”

About the author

Milo Sumner is a day-dreamer, living and breathing in London. When feeling low, he tends to cut loose and chase after dogs in the park. Otherwise he can usually be found pondering what to have for lunch.