by Gerry Mak in New Trends on Sunday 8 February 2009

Everyone and their moms sent me this heavy metal flow chart. Yep, I like metal, which is why I’m going to knitpick about some annoying things about this. I know this is supposed to be funny, but The Darkness is not a metal band. In fact, for me this would be ten times funnier if they had excluded hair and nu metal bands. There are so many funnier band names in real metal that referencing Whitesnake or Skid Row just seems like wasted opportunity to really lampoon the genre. Also, where’s the Tolkien references? After satanism and paganism, no mythology has influenced metal as much as that of Middle Earth. The chart even has some factual mistakes: Ragnarok is from Norse mythology, not the Book of Revelations. Anyway, Doogie Horner, the funnyman behind this chart, doesn’t sound like he actually knows enough about metal to properly make fun of it. Or maybe I’m just too dorky to laugh.