I wait so long
Dear Miss Helena, one time host of children’s show Romper Room, you have a lot to answer for. Yes, squeaky clean Miss Helena of wholesome blouse and values, I have not forgotten those childhood years spent patiently glued to the television waiting for you to call out my name through the magic ‘looking glass’ — that portal to ‘good’ children everywhere. But not once amongst the John’s, the Michael’s and the Leroy’s (Leroy? Seriously!?); the Gavin’s, the Craig’s and the Philip’s was the name Zolton ever uttered. Was I wrong to expect you to see me there, just inches from the screen? Was my incessant stream of threatening mail a little over the top? Ah, the pain cuts deep. Yet I was never deterred. Despite the false promise that each new dawn offered, I would still rise in hope, my little heart pounding in anticipation that this might be the day that I join my generically named friends in the realm of ‘goodness’ But it never happened. Instead I was relegated to the world of the unruly, typecast as a troublemaker — a rabble-rouser. Personally, I blame it more on the Pepsi and sherbet diet I enjoyed at the time. But if I can hold a grudge for my ill disciplined adolescence then I will. And a bird-like television host seems as good a target as any. Yes, Miss Helena … the shame, the shame. [illustration by Skwak]
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YOU'RE SAYING (4)
Zolton said | 13 August, 2008
We should form a coalition Huna of the unusually named. There is strength to be had in numbers after all.
Shanna said | 14 August, 2008
I too am of the “Child with strange name, not being acknowledged at Romper Room” generation. Count me in the coalition of unusually named and I’ll be sure to take you on a tour of the Granny May’s and tourist shops that don’t stock any of our names in the personalised name plates, mugs and key rings…
Sarah said | 30 May, 2009
Now, I know that I am of the common name variety of Romper Room watchers, so my opinions may not carry so much weight as those of you who have suffered through years of being shunned my Miss Helena. However I cannot help but point out that at the very end of her bizarre magic mirror-gazing spiel, she would always add “and I can see you too!” This was intended to include all of us who’s name hadn’t been mentioned among her list of those who had fun and play.
So let us not blame poor Miss Helena, she did her best to include us all. As for your names not appearing on Granny May’s key rings, coffee mugs and bookmarks, well I guess you will need to take that up with your parents…
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Huna said | 12 August, 2008
Every now and then I come across one of these old spiels.
Completely smile-worthy this one. Can totally relate…its like those name plate things souvenir shops sell, always a “Hannah” never a “Huna”.